When we talk about weddings, we talk about them steeped within our culture. Reciting vows, lighting a unity candle, and exchanging rings are all part of many American weddings. And each culture has its own traditions with symbolism that tells a story that often only those in the culture understand.
I submit to you that the wedding talk in the New Testament is steeped in symbolism that would have made perfect sense to the people who heard Jesus teach on it, while many of us may miss the amazing nuances He is teaching. Over the last few months, I have done a deep dive into studying the first-century Jewish wedding rituals and what I learned will make me never read the words of Jesus the same way again. I am convinced that many who read this will walk away and look at the relationship we have with Jesus in an amazing new light.
Let’s start off by explaining the Jewish wedding customs in the first century. This is a summation and not a detailed exposition. There is so much that could be said on this that it could easily fill an entire book. But for our purposes, we can look at the Jewish wedding done in three phases. And as we highlight these three phases, I am convinced that many will draw the same conclusions that I drew without me saying a word. And when you do, your knees will buckle and your heart will skip a beat.
From a high level, the Jewish wedding would happen in three distinct phases: First, a man and a woman would be pledged together and a legal contract was written. Then, the betrothal phase would happen. Finally, the wedding itself would happen, the marriage would be consummated and the man and woman would live as husband and wife in the same house as one.
In the first phase, a man and a woman would be legally bound to each other via a legal contract. This could happen by the man and woman themselves or this could be an arranged marriage by the parents of the groom and bride. The groom or the groom’s father would pay the agreed-upon price by the father of the bride and the two would legally be considered married. However, the bride would return to her father’s house and the groom would return to his father’s house. Then, the next phase of the wedding would begin- the betrothal.
During the betrothal, the woman would live in purity and prepare to become a wife. This period would often last a year or so, though sometimes longer and sometimes shorter. If it was an arranged marriage between two young children, this period would be much longer. In any case, the bride was expected to give evidence of her purity. At any time, the marriage could be legally annulled at this stage if the bride showed any impurity. Joseph and Mary were betrothed when Mary was pregnant with Jesus and Joseph had decided to end the marriage in this phase until an angel visited him to ensure that Mary had no impurity.
But the groom had responsibilities during the betrothal period as well. He would go back to his father’s house and begin to build a room onto the family home for he and his new bride. During the betrothal, the father of the groom would keep check on the purity of the bride and the preparation of his son to ready himself to become a husband and to carry out all the responsibilities of a husband. And it was the father of the groom- not the groom or the father of the bride- who made the final determination that all was ready for the marriage to enter its final stage. This is why at least 9 months to a year or more was given in this betrothal period while his son made his preparations.
And the father of the groom didn’t discuss this time with his son. When he made the decision, it would come as a “thief in the night.” Sound familiar? And at the time of his choosing, the father of the groom would go to his son and say. “It’s time. Go get your bride.” This would lead to the final stage of the Jewish wedding custom. The groom would gather his friends and they would lead a procession down the streets (usually at night), where he and his friends would shout their intentions along the way. And the prepared bride would finally see her groom return to her to take her to her new home. She would have been prepared and waiting for this very thing to happen during the whole betrothal period.
The groom would then take her to his father’s home (usually) where they would have a small ceremony and then a wedding feast, to be attended by all friends and family, that may have lasted for days. When it was all over, the bride and groom moved into the room that the groom had prepared for his bride and they would live as one forever.
Knowing that, does it give a new understanding of the passages in the New Testament that talk about Jesus being our groom and the church being His bride? Consider,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV).
When Jesus talks about the church being His bride, it is more than an allegory. It is a marriage in the fullness of the term, much more even than the physical marriage between a man and woman on earth. Jesus paid the price- His own blood- given by the Father of the Groom, our heavenly Father. And Jesus did it all to ensure that His bride, the church, would remain pure during the betrothal period.
Today, we are in this betrothal period. For the Father of the Groom loved the world that He paid the price for the bride by giving His only begotten Son. That was His part of signing the marriage document. And when we are baptized into Christ, this is our part of signing this marriage document and entering into a relationship with Jesus:
“having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:12-14 ESV).
And so, by His grace, our Bridegroom is giving us everything we need to remain pure and ready for His return to claim us and take us home. Do you remember what he said to His disciples before He was crucified, resurrected, and ascended into heaven?
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” (John 14:1-3 ESV).
This statement would have had tremendous meaning for the people of His day. This is what the bridegrooms did during the betrothal periods- they prepared a room in their fathers’ houses for their brides. This is exactly what Jesus says He’s doing for us at this very moment. And when the time comes, He will bring us to this home He has prepared for us. And when will that be:
“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” (Matthew 24:36 ESV).
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to figure out how Jesus, who is God and knows everything, can not know the time of His return that we miss the wonderful, marvelous point that He is making. Just like the weddings that the people knew well, the time of His return would happen when His Father says to Him, “It’s time; go get your bride!” And when that happens, Jesus will return with a shout and with an entourage to claim His bride, the church!
Knowing this, we should strive to keep ourselves pure and undefiled as we await the return of our bridegroom. We should be ready and waiting when we hear His shout and see Him come to claim His bride. And we should never act in a foolish way to take our eyes off the prize before us or not live each day in preparation for the coming of our Bridegroom. We’ve just scratched the surface of the verses that teach, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we are in our betrothal period awaiting the return of our Bridegroom to take us home. Let’s not be found impure or unprepared when He returns.
“Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps.
As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’
Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’
And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’
But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” (Matthew 25:1-13 ESV).
I am convinced that very few men who lived were like Job. Here was a man who served, feared, and loved God regardless of his circumstances. In his steadfastness, he never forgot who God was. He may have faltered a bit when he demanded that God explain Himself, but he never once sinned against God by blaming Him for evil.
Job knew he hadn’t sinned against the Lord and asked the Lord to make it known if he had sinned in a way he wasn’t aware of. And when pressed by his friends to confess to a sin that he hadn’t committed, Job held to his integrity.
In the end, he never cursed God to his face as Satan suggested he would do and as his wife counseled him to do. That is why Job is mentioned in rare company. He stayed true to his faith in spite of being stripped of possessions, family, honor, and health.
“Son of man, when a land sins against me by acting faithlessly, and I stretch out my hand against it and break its supply of bread and send famine upon it, and cut off from it man and beast, even if these three men, Noah, Daniel, and Job, were in it, they would deliver but their own lives by their righteousness, declares the Lord GOD.” (Ezekiel 14:13-14 ESV).
This is the highest testimony that the Lord has given to a man. Before we curse God for the suffering we endure, let’s remember this testimony and strive to always glorify God and not sin against Him with our lips. In our most challenging days, the Lord will give us this strength by His grace if we turn to Him and seek this strength.
Are we to think that God hates us because we will spend eternity in hell if we do not accept Him? Why will He let us suffer forever if we reject Him?
It’s not that He is vindictive and allows us to be tortured if we reject him. It’s actually that He loves us so tremendously that He’s provided a way to escape that condemnation. He knows what awaits us if we do not embrace the safety and refuge found only in Him.
So, we are all deserving of hell but He said, “No!” And He made the ultimate sacrifice for us by dying for our sins.
If we end up in hell, it’s not because God is vindictive or hateful. He’s done everything so we can choose life. And there is no doubt that His heart is broken for everyone made in His image who suffers needlessly.
Hell is so needless. We have been given a lifeline. No one has to end up there. You, me… anyone. He came to save, not condemn. If we are condemned, it’s because, and only because, we refused salvation.
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” (John 3:17 ESV).
God is so far above us and there is none like Him.
When a man is clean and touches something unclean, he becomes unclean.
But when Jesus, who is clean, touches an unclean man, the man becomes clean.
What a wonderful Savior we have!
“And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.” (Matthew 8:3 ESV).
And to us…
“that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:26-27 ESV).
The five didn’t kill.
The five didn’t lie.
The five didn’t take advantage of the weak and innocent.
The five didn’t take drugs or get drunk.
The five didn’t commit fornication or use the Lord’s name in vain.
Yet the five missed it all.
What was the thing that caused them to miss Jesus?
“And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’ But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” (Matthew 25:10-13 ESV).
The five just didn’t prepare for Jesus.
Are you ready today to see Him?
I am reading Numbers in my daily Bible reading. In it, we see the importance of the unclean person being cleansed through water and blood.
It seems that water and blood have always been cleansing agents by God. God cleansed the unclean in the Mosaic law with water and blood.
God cleansed the earth with water via the flood of Noah by killing all land-dwelling flesh, sacrificing them in the cleansing.
And we are cleansed in the water of baptism as commanded by the Lord, coming into contact with the cleansing blood of Jesus that was sacrificed for us.
It isn’t ritual washing that saves us, because there is no power in the water. It is in the obedience to God in a good conscience that saves us.
Are we against obedience to God so much that we scoff at His command to be baptized and tell Him that we will not obey for salvation; rather He MUST save us while we do not obey?
Water and blood have always been God’s agents of cleansing. And so it is when God came to earth and said this:
“Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:15b-16 ESV).
And decades later, before he died, His apostle Peter tells us this:
“Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ,” (1 Peter 3:21 ESV).
I know that many have had it drilled into our heads that baptism has nothing to do with salvation. I agree that water has no power to save…
But obedience through baptism as an appeal to God for a good conscience is what saves us. That is how we connect with the saving blood of Jesus that washes away our sins.
I prayerfully ask you to consider listening to Jesus and Peter who ask for our obedience to the Holy word of Jesus rather than men who teach us to ignore the words of Jesus and His apostles.
“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.” (Romans 6:3-5 ESV).
If we see Jesus tomorrow, will what we did today be worth it?
Have you ever thought much about this verse?
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8 ESV).
This tells us something really amazing about our God.
1. He has no reason to change- What do I mean? Well, why do we often change? Isn’t it because something new comes along that causes us to rethink our position? But Jesus is all-knowing. There is never any new piece of information that will cause Him to reevaluate things.
2. He is trustworthy- We often change our stances or commitments. But we can put our trust in Jesus because He is 100% dependable. He won’t be swayed because of a bad day or second thoughts.
3. His character is predictable- If we want to know what Jesus is like today and what He will be like tomorrow, then we can spend time in His word to see how He was yesterday. Sometimes people never know what they will get with us. We can almost be like two different people depending on which side of the bed we get up on in the morning. But Jesus is predictable and we can rest easy knowing that the Jesus we read about is the same one we serve now.
This is what makes Jesus our perfect hope, our perfect anchor, and our perfect shelter in the storms of life.
Under the Old Covenant, we needed a reminder of our sins and the need for atonement. This reminder happened in the sacrifices themselves.
Under our Law of Grace, Jesus offered His blood once and for all. But we still need a reminder of the atonement Jesus made once and for all for our sins.
We remember this great sacrifice every first day of the week as He instructed.
“And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.” (Luke 22:19
We have a much more perfect sacrifice and we must never let that memory grow cold in our hearts.
We must give each other the benefit of the doubt when we can ascribe either good or evil to each other. Why? Because we do not know the hearts of men.
But God never gives us the benefit of the doubt. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. He never gives us the benefit of the doubt because there is never a doubt when He looks into our hearts.
“If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (Proverbs 24:12 ESV).
Am I crazy or do you get the idea that the theory of relativity and quantum physics is child’s play to God?
“who alone stretched out the heavens and trampled the waves of the sea;” (Job 9:8 ESV).
“Where is the way to the dwelling of light, and where is the place of darkness, that you may take it to its territory and that you may discern the paths to its home?” (Job 38:19-20 ESV).
“What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?” (Job 38:24 ESV).
“It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;” (Isaiah 40:22 ESV).
“He stretches out the north over the void and hangs the earth on nothing.” (Job 26:7 ESV).
“And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” (Genesis 1:3 ESV).
I fear that we have settled with the knowledge we have now and we have lost the zeal to continue searching God’s word, putting to test our beliefs and spiritual assumptions. May we never grow weary in testing every belief we have against the Word of God, no matter what those beliefs are.
“Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.” (Acts 17:11 ESV).
“Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.” (Proverbs 14:34 ESV).
I am in Deuteronomy in my daily Bible reading. Moses is prepping the people to go into the land before he exits and turns the leadership over to Joshua. Two verses jumped out to me that I want to meditate on today and I thought I’d share them with you.
The first is when he recounted the days when the people feared God and were humbled in his presence. God had this to say to them:
“Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!” (Deuteronomy 5:29 ESV).
What a wonderful place to be. I believe that the same holds true for us today. If we fear Him and keep His commandments, all will go well with us. God has no pleasure in bringing judgment. He longs that we obey so that it only goes well with us.
And I also read this:
“And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day.” (Deuteronomy 6:24 ESV).
Again, God tells the people that He has left His word for their benefit. Following the word of God is always for our good. And to us, this is where we have to put away our will and do the will of the Father. We must have faith in God that when we do His will, even when it seems hard or when we might suffer for it, it will always be ultimately for our good.
The world offers us a choice that removes God and urges us to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. Let us all fear God and obey him so that it might go well with us forever.
I have it on good authority that it’s very possible that the Lord may be returning in the next 24 hours...