“But what I said was true.”
We have probably offered that defense after a difficult conversation. We replay the exchange, remember the facts, and explain why something needed to be said. Yet somewhere in the replay, we remember the look on the other person’s face. We remember the impatience in our voice, the remark we could have left out, or the moment we stopped listening because we were already preparing our answer.
Perhaps the concern was valid. Perhaps love required us to address it. Still, we find ourselves defending the truth of our words while quietly avoiding what they revealed about us.
That is a difficult place to sit. It can also become a place where we learn to follow Jesus more faithfully.
When we enter His Kingdom, we bring our whole lives under His authority. That includes the conversations around our kitchen tables, the messages we send when we are frustrated, and the way we respond when someone questions our judgment. Our allegiance to King Jesus reaches into those ordinary moments when we have something to say and someone else must receive it.
Jesus helps us understand why those moments matter. In His teaching about a tree and its fruit, He connects what comes from our mouths with what we hold within us. He explains, “for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45 ESV).
Our words can reveal things we have been reluctant to acknowledge. We may discover resentment we have allowed to grow, pride that resists correction, or a desire to control a conversation. Sometimes the people closest to us hear these things before we are willing to recognize them ourselves.
We may say that something simply slipped out. Yet even then, it is worth bringing before the Lord. What have we been rehearsing within ourselves? What judgments have we been nurturing about this person? Have we become so familiar with their weaknesses that we have stopped approaching them with tenderness?
These are searching questions. We may recognize a struggle we have carried for years. But we can bring that struggle honestly to Jesus. We can confess the resentment we have been defending and ask His forgiveness. We can ask Him to help us love someone toward whom we have allowed our hearts to grow hard.
In Matthew 12, Jesus confronted Pharisees who had attributed His power to deliver a suffering man to Satan. Their accusation revealed their opposition to Him. He connected their speech with the condition of their hearts, then warned that people would answer for their words in the judgment. He explained why: “for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37 ESV).
Our words have consequences before God. They bear witness to what is happening within us. We should feel the seriousness of that warning. A cutting remark does not become harmless because we move on quickly. The person who heard it may carry it long after we have forgotten saying it.
Perhaps that brings a particular conversation to mind. We wish we had spoken differently. We may even wish we could take the words back. Though we cannot undo the conversation, we can take responsibility for it. The Lord’s warning gives us reason to stop excusing our speech and begin seeking forgiveness and repair.
He also teaches us what our words can become.
Paul calls us to use speech that builds others up according to the need of the occasion. He directs our attention toward the person receiving our words, “that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29 ESV).
That requires us to pay attention. Someone may need patient explanation. Someone may need encouragement to take a difficult step. Someone may need a loving correction, spoken with enough humility that we remember our own need for mercy.
Our words can help a discouraged person find courage to try again. Our patient response can help someone admit a struggle they have been afraid to share. A correction offered with tenderness can help them face a failure without feeling that the failure is all we see in them.
These are things worth building.
Building someone up can involve saying something painful. We may need to address sin, explain a concern, or refuse to affirm a harmful choice. Faithfulness requires courage. It also requires us to examine whether our words serve the person’s good. We can speak truth firmly without taking pleasure in their embarrassment.
The same passage leads us toward kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness, grounded in God’s forgiveness of us through Christ. Paul then calls us to imitate our Father and walk in the love Christ has shown us. The mercy we have received gives us a pattern for the mercy we extend (Ephesians 4:32–5:2 ESV).
We, too, have needed correction. We have needed patience while we learned. We have needed forgiveness for failures we could neither explain away nor undo.
Remembering that can soften the way we approach someone whose weaknesses have begun to irritate us. We know what it means to need mercy. By the grace of God, we can learn to offer it.
Perhaps we can begin with the person who has come to mind while reading this. Before our next conversation, we can bring that relationship before the Lord. We can tell Him where we struggle and spend a few quiet moments with His teaching. As we read, we can allow His words to question the answer we have already prepared.
Are we carrying an old grievance into this conversation? Are we more concerned with being understood than with understanding? What would seeking this person’s good ask of us?
Then, when we speak, we can practice what we have brought before Him. We can let the person finish. We can ask a sincere question before assuming their motives. We can leave out the sentence we know would sting. If something difficult needs to be said, we can choose a private moment and speak with care.
We do not have to wait until patience feels natural to obey Jesus patiently. Each time we yield our response to Him, we practice living under His authority. Over time, the person we once hurried to correct may become someone we have learned to hear.
Sometimes our next faithful words will need to be an apology.
“I spoke to you with contempt. That was wrong. Will you forgive me?”
We can say that without adding a defense that places the blame back on them. A concern may still need attention, but we can acknowledge the wrong we brought into addressing it. The other person may need time, and we can give them that time while allowing our conduct to show that we meant what we said.
We will need patience as we learn, too. When an old pattern appears again, we can confess it and return to what Jesus has taught us. We can ask a trusted, mature Christian to help us see what we keep overlooking. We can thank God for the moments when we listened, offered encouragement, or admitted we were wrong.
Those ordinary moments matter. In them, our allegiance to Jesus takes shape in the way we love another person.
Years ago, I wrote this simple prayer:
“Lord, help me be a builder and not a wrecking ball to someone today.”
We can carry that prayer into the next conversation. We can ask our King to form within us a heart that seeks the good of the person before us. And we can begin with one faithful response: listening patiently, speaking with kindness, or returning humbly to ask forgiveness.
As you sit with this teaching today, consider: Who comes to mind when you think about the way you speak? What might your words be revealing that you need to bring before Jesus? What could you begin building in that relationship through your next faithful response?
If you are willing, share your reflections or questions in the comments so we can learn and walk this journey together.
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